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Facing denial, notably when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. An editor is declining your work, delivering a firm “No.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced proposing story ideas half a century past, just after completing my studies. Since then, I have had two novels declined, along with book ideas and numerous pieces. Over the past 20 years, focusing on op-eds, the denials have only increased. Regularly, I face a setback multiple times weekly—totaling over 100 annually. Overall, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. At this point, I might as well have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me outburst? Far from it. Because, at last, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

Some context: At this point, nearly each individual and others has rejected me. I haven’t counted my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

For example: lately, an editor rejected 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 agents rejected a project. An editor even asked that I send my work only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, each denial stung. I felt attacked. It was not just my work was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, surprise. How could this happen? How could these people be blind to my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Certainly they rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my efforts? You’re stupid and the magazine stinks. I reject your rejection.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably accompanied by false hope). What will it take you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, depression. I lack skill. Additionally, I can never become any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Company

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Tales of writers whose books was initially turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was first rejected. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his youth squad. Many US presidents over the last 60 years had previously lost elections. The actor-writer claims that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to rouse me and get going, not backing down,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my later years, I entered the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I grasp the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an editor may have just published a comparable article, or have one underway, or simply be thinking about that idea for a different writer.

Or, less promisingly, my idea is not appealing. Or the editor feels I am not qualified or standing to be suitable. Or isn’t in the business for the content I am peddling. Maybe was busy and read my piece too fast to appreciate its value.

You can call it an awakening. Any work can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Others are under your control. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the idea I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my punctuation, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, my second, a autobiography, at retirement age—and over a thousand pieces. These works have been published in publications major and minor, in regional, worldwide sources. An early piece was published decades ago—and I have now written to that publication for 50 years.

However, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no spots on talk shows, no speeches, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more readily handle no at my age, because my, admittedly modest successes have softened the blows of my setbacks. I can afford to be philosophical about it all today.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What teachings have I learned?

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