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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat for daily publications, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|